I stopped mid sentence

This is the second entry about the extended family vacation. I caught myself when I was about to engage in a battle of words with a family member who is especially contentious. I actually started to engage this person, as the particular situation was ridiculous and "needed" attention. Wrong. It occurred to me that if I bother with the situation, then I adopt it. I give it importance in my life. It is funny how some things from my discussions with Seran come back to me at times in my life when I least expect it, but when it is most helpful. I stopped mid sentence. That was it. I could have never done that before without making a comment about how not worth my energy it all was. The old me. I choose a much better life than to fall for attention demanding tactics from another individual. Nothing needs my attention that would allow me to feel upset, annoyed. I don't need to set anyone straight. I don't even want to. Walking away was liberating.

being concerned with one's own self is not at all selfish

I spent a lot of time with family this past holiday week. It is a mix of fun, relaxation and tension. I suppose it is inevitable that when adults who have spent their childhood together are together once more in a small space, well, you can imagine some of the things that are going on in my mind right now. I don;t want to relive it in the written word. It's the little things in life that irk us the most. I have learned in this past month to be concerned only with my own interests and needs (within reason, and that is really condensing a very broad topic, so add a grain of salt here). All I can say is THANK GOD. Suddenly the habitual thoughtlessness that is characteristic of some of the middle children with whom I am associated didn't bother me. If the messy trail left by one prevented me from doing what I needed to accomplish, then I picked it up and carried on with my own thing. If it didn't then I reminded myself that I am not trained to be a maid and trusted that it would take care of itself. I also realized that these times, although tense in some moments, will not last forever, so I took what enjoyment I could and left the rest. I read a book I had been wanting to, I even took naps here and there and, of course, made sure I was spending my own time alone and relaxing each day. I also realized that being concerned with one's own self is not at all selfish, it is necessary to living a good life.

New Habits

The now former supervisor has left the job, and life should be much more reasonable now. The element of deceit will no longer be there, and the resulting toxic social environment will subside as well, I believe. I was asked to handle some extra responsibility and perhaps remain on longer. I have a feeling the higher ups understand what has been going on in the office. We'll see what happens. I need to move on, but I don;t want to turn down an opportunity. There is some negotiating to do, and I have to think about this for a few days to figure out what I want. The key to agreement is knowing what we want. It is not always so obvious, especially with me, because I have been so out of practice listening to my own needs. That i a thing of the past and I have replaced it with the new habit of listening to myself. I will write the outcome when I know it.

There is always time for an "oasis" in the day

It has been a very busy week, both at work and in my personal life. I have had very little time home and very little time to rest. It just happens that way sometimes. I anticipated getting more free time than I actually did, and doing my relaxation exercises at that time. I didn't do that enough this week. My mood was still very good, but I could sense that I was more tired than I have been in the last couple weeks. It is due to the lack of rest, both sleep and waking rest when I breath deeply and relax myself. I look back on the week and realize that I accomplished a lot, and that is good, but I was not thriving at all. I know this is the way life is when we have more pressure than usual, but it doesn;t have to be. There is always time for an "oasis" in the day and I don't allow myself this luxury. I also realized that very little wisdom comes to me in times of stress. Rather, my intuition operates on a more basic level. My times of insight and intuition are usually during those times when I can concentrate on my core. I am making this a scheduled event in every day of my life from this point on.

Men look at me a lot more now.

I noticed something lately. Men look at me a lot more now. I can only attribute this to all the positive personal changes I have made. I don' think they are all weight loss related. I have had a very good weight loss month, yes, but I am not near to my goal. I think it is more the result of feeling peaceful and happy, thinking good thoughts and letting them project through me. Instead of worrying so much about my outer appearance all the time, I am more concerned about what is within. I imagine that I am guarding a core that is inside me, keeping things I consider important close to it, and paying little attention to the rest. It has brought me peace and comfort and it must show somehow, because people react to me differently now.