I can’t imagine ever living that way again.

I have noticed that no wisdom ever comes to me when I am busy with work or getting multiple things done. It is the same with stress. If I am preoccupied with something, it is as if I become what I am obsessing over. I lose emotional balance. I lose perspective. I am quite vulnerable during those times. It is only when I take time out to do something enjoyable or relaxing that I remember my purpose, think I am okay and know in my heart what is best for me. That is when my intuition speaks to me, when I am my wisest self. Years of my life have gone by studying, working, achieving and feeling miserable. I literally allowed my social life and personal happiness to take a back seat to whatever it was I thought I had to prove. When things wouldn’t work out the way I had imagined they should with all the hard work I was doing, I would become very disillusioned and extremely disappointed. When I was in this lifestyle of burden and failure I couldn’t see my way out of that black hole. Now I can’t imagine ever living that way again. This is the very purpose of meditation, centering oneself and quieting the voices of negativity and allowing calm and reason to set in.
I have just entered a professional competition of sorts with a person more experienced than me. This will last over a period of a few months and it will become quite intensified if I let it. I won’t. I will continue to remind myself that I have chosen this path for good reasons, none of which are attached to my self worth and character. I will do my best and strive for balance every day. I will quiet the negative thoughts daily and allow calm and reason to enter my mind. When it is over, the reason I chose to do this will have been fulfilled, regardless of the outcome. I will be wiser and more experienced, and I will have done some professional good as well. There is nothing that can claim my self worth any longer.