I really mean “want” instead.

In the past couple entries I have been referring to word choices. I put words like should and need into quotations. I want to explain why. I have been learning that what we say has a lasting effect on our mood and self esteem. Maybe this is particular to me, or maybe it is part of our culture, but I catch myself saying things like: “I should go to the store” instead of I want to go to the store. It is true that there are times when we all do things out of a sense of obligation. That’s part of life. But when we use words that imply an obligation, we are failing to recognize that we have a choice. For example, we often say “I have to pay my taxes”. Very few people would disagree with this statement, but it is true that we have a choice not to. While the choice not to pay taxes has a bad consequence, it is still our choice to do it. Recognizing where we have choice feels better. It is empowering. It makes a difference in how I see myself, less like someone who is a victim of circumstance and more like someone who has power to make choices. Try it for yourself! I still slip up and catch myself using should, must, have to, need, etc. when I really mean “want” instead. As soon as I begin to notice, I rephrase my statement. It feels better to honor the fact that I have choice.